After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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