You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
