I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
