i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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