Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
