my mouth tastes like poor choices
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
