We won't sleep together?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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