just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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