Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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