There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
