I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
