i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
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The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
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He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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