Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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