how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I met the friendliest cop last night
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
