My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
