I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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