Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
