Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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