I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize