Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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