So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
