um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
