there was a trapeze. enough said
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
