i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
