I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
