Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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