god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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