Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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