When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
people are starting to question the shark bite story
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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