sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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