If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
