Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
