And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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