I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
