i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
