You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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