What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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