My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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