How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
