oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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