so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
