u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
