dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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