oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the day after is always just damage control
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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