You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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