haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
