Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
