***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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