bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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