if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
