We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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