I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
