i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
