im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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