i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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