remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
