oh god the rape fog is back!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
