i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
