Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize