hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
