You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
