just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
