Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she told me i tasted like america
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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