He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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