how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
