I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
